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Divorce on the Mind? by Dr.Judy Baus
I am a Christian and my husband and I go to church. We have been married 20 years, but we’ve gotten far apart. We’ve lost that concern and love we used to have for one another. Honestly, I feel like he takes me for granted, like I’m not valued anymore. I’m stressed, confused, and feel very alone. I’m tired all the time and don’t know what to do. I cannot talk to anyone about this because I do not want them to judge me. I keep thinking that divorce is the only solution. Can you help?
Dear Tired One,
I can give you some food for thought but you are the only one who can make the final decision on the outcome of your marriage. I find it sad when people go through 20 years of marriage and then think of divorce. My first thought would be to see your doctor for a physical to make sure there is nothing going on in your body to cause you to be tired all the time. I know stress and depression can make a person feel tired all the time.
After you get your doctor’s okay and there is nothing wrong physically, then take the next step which is to get your priorities in order. The Lord must be first in your life; then your husband. If you do not have your relationship right with the Lord and allow Him to fill all your emotional needs, you certainly cannot have a right relationship with your husband. Spend time in the Word of God and find out where your true worth and value come from. Your expectations must be from the Lord, not from your husband who is a mere human being!
Now for your thoughts about a divorce…I heard no mention of your husband verbally or physical abusing you or cheating on you. These would be valid reasons for a divorce. God says He hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). So if He hates divorce and He knows marriages have their troubles, then He also knows how to fix them.
The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 10:5, “…casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.” It’s interesting that it says “casting down arguments” because that is what is going on in your head. One time you think you want out of this marriage and the next moment, you want your marriage! That is an argument in your mind that you have to settle.
You have to cast down the argument for divorce because God hates that, and bring that thought into obedience with the thoughts of Christ which is to have a happy marriage. Whichever argument you feed will win. God’s word… or the world’s word that says divorce is okay?
The Lord hates divorce, yes, but also He is not in favor of an unhappy marriage! Ask the Lord to show you how you can make your marriage better and healthier. Spend time in the Bible and do what it says.
You said your husband goes to church which is a blessing that many Christian wives do not have. Talk with him about putting Jesus at the center of your marriage. Women are famous for thinking their husband should know what is going on and how they feel. Men will not know unless you tell them. Then start praying together as a couple. If you do not usually do that, just start simple and short. God hears and will help.
Test your teachers by Dr. Judy Baus
I’ve been hearing people talk about “the signs of the times,” and that we’re in the “last days”…whatever that means. Our pastor said we should be careful not to be deceived and to make sure we belong to Jesus Christ. Deceived? Sure? I am in my 20’s have been raised in church all my life but I’m just not sure I believe all that stuff about heaven and hell. I do see things are getting pretty dangerous everywhere which makes me think more about this. What do you think?
You are only 20 so your life has not been that long. It is wonderful you have been raised in church which means you have been in the midst of people who love the Lord and want to worship Him and learn His ways. However, going to church every week does not make us a Christian. The only way to become a Christian meaning a follower of Christ is to realize that we are a sinner in need of a Savior. We must believe that Christ came to earth in the person of Jesus, was born of a virgin, died on the cross for our sin, was resurrected and ascended back to heaven and is sitting at the right hand of the Father interceding for us. Christians are the only people who serve a LIVING GOD, and because of His resurrection we will also be with Him in heaven one day.
Yes, I sure do believe in heaven and hell. All through the Bible this can be established. Every person on earth must make the decision to believe these truths on his/her own. That is why it is call a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
When Jesus walked this earth He warned the people and He warns us today: “Take heed that no one deceives you. For many will come in My name, saying, ‘I am the Christ,’ and will deceive many (Matthew 24:4-5). The Apostle Paul wrote to Timothy warning him (and us today): “But evil men and impostors will grow worse and worse, deceiving and being deceived. But you must continue in the things which you have learned and been assured of, knowing from whom you have learned them” (2 Timothy 3:13-14). The word “deceive” means to lead away or to trick. Be careful who you are learning from!
I am glad that you are THINKING about these very important questions. I want to give you a challenge. Why don’t you take your THINKING a step further and come to the point of BELIEVING and KNOWING? I too believe we are in the last days and that one soon day Jesus will come for His people. I’m going with Him because I believe and know, but only when you believe and know will you GO! Write me when you have finished the challenge!